If Your World Should Fall Apart
by panictowel
Summary: MCR, frerard: Frank is in love with Gerard, but is afraid of telling him, as he doesn’t want to risk losing him. How will he deal with all those emotions he almost can't control?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**

**Rule breaking: **_"Entries not allowed: …Stories with non-historical and non-fictional characters: actors, musicians, and etc."_ alright, yeah… i think we mcr fans know all about this and therefore this story is also posted on other pages – listed on my profil. also a reason, why this story might seem familiar - you might have read it on one of the other pages before…

**About the story: **it's going to be about 20 chapters, more or less (no… actually not less).

**Rating: **M for later chapters.

**Thanks to:** my beta, gray-eyed Athena! and to the little devil next door for being an ass at night.

**And: **nothing more to say, but enjoy (i hope):**  
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**Chapter 01**

Frank dropped his cigarette on the ground and got up. They had been sitting outside on the parking lot for almost an hour, talking and fooling around. It was after midnight and they had enjoyed a pleasant summer night, before they had to drive on again the next morning for the next portion of their tour.

"Hey man, where're you going?" asked Ray, looking up at Frank, who merely turned around slightly, clearly not wanting to face them.

"Uhm… just off to bed, I'm way tired," he answered, letting his fingers brush the hair out of his eyes. He needed to get out of there, now.

"Alright, good night!" came the answer from almost all of them. All but one. Gerard was watching his friend heading towards the bus, with his hands in his pockets and his head hanging down. He was apparently lost in thoughts and did not hear the rest of the conversation of his friends.

"I'm thirsty, what about we go inside; Jerry's still up," Bob suggested, nodding towards the hotel behind them and the lights coming from the room of their local tour manager.

"Sure. Let's go visit Jerry." Ray stood up and pulled Mikey up too.

"I'm going to sleep. See you guys!" Gerard said, waving goodbye to them and making his way towards the bus, but not without turning around to check if they had disappeared into the building. They had.

Meanwhile Frank had reached the bus and jumped inside, climbing in his bunk, using Ray's bed under him as a stair and closing the curtains, not bothering to remove his clothes.

He lay on his back for a couple of seconds, eyes open, staring at the bunk above him, trying to breathe normally and fighting back the tears that stung in his eyes.

But his insides were screaming and the emotions were fighting to get out. After a few more moments he slammed his fist against the wall. Then again. And again. With all the noise he was making and all the thoughts that kept rushing through his head, he did not hear someone enter the bus. Finally, he turned over until he was lying face down, and buried his head in his pillow.

"FUCK!" he screamed into it, the pillow muffling his outburst; he did not want the others to hear. He could feel tears spill and just became angrier, because he couldn't control his emotions, but he didn't bother to wipe them away. He thought he heard the curtain to his bunk being pulled back at some point, but when he didn't hear anything more he forgot about it again.

Then suddenly he heard his voice. The voice of the man he loved so much that it made him sick.

"What's wrong?" He could hear it was filled with worry and sincerity.

"Nothing." He was still talking into his pillow, not realising his hands had turned into fists, holding onto it so tightly his knuckles had turned white. He stopped crying and tried to steady his breathing. He could hear that Gerard was not moving and felt him staring at him. Frank turned towards the wall, with his back to his friend, his hand wiping away the tears. He wanted him to leave, wanted him to stay. He wanted to shout at him and he wanted to feel his lips on his. He wanted to pull him close and wanted to run away. What a mess.

"I'm okay," he said to the wall.

"You're not."

Frank knew he had to try harder to get rid of him, so he turned on his back, and glanced over at Gerard, whose arms rested crossed on his bed and his eyes were filled with love looking at him. Love? Love?! Great, now he was imagining things.

He turned his head towards the ceiling again and choked back fresh tears.

"Just leave." He said quietly, fearing that his voice would break and give him away if he talked just a little louder.

"I won't," Gerard answered determined but soft.

"Fine, than keep standing there."

"I will."

Damn.

He felt tears running down his cheeks. How did this happen? Why did he have to fall in love with Gerard; he was so scared. He couldn't tell him, because either he would abandon him or – only in his wildest dreams - Gerard would really be with him, but then would eventually leave him because he would realize he didn't like Frank-the-boyfriend. And he didn't want to lose him.

So don't tell him! Said the voice in his head. He wouldn't.

Suddenly Gerard moved.

Go!

Don't go!

Frank closed his eyes, only to feel a body – Gerard's body – lying down beside him. He opened his eyes again, turned his head and looked into Gerard's eyes. They were so beautiful. His hand wanted to touch his cheek so badly, to brush away the strands of hair that hung into his eyes, to… he made a fist, as to control eventual accidentally movements. Ouch. His heart hurt. This man beside him didn't even know what he was doing to him.

He could still feel the warm tears on his skin. He knew Gerard had seen them, but he didn't care. He never wanted to get out of bed, not with Gerard on his side anyway. At this thought, he felt more tears filling his eyes again, he couldn't stop it, but he brought his hands up to cover his face and was about to turn away from Gerard again, when he felt that he was being pulled back. Gerard had turned him to face him, and Frank was now crying silently against his chest, his face only separated from Gerard's body through his hands that shielded the tears. Frank could feel Gerard stroking his back comfortingly.

Shit, somebody kill me, he thought. He could not stand this much longer; he felt as though he was about to break. Frank caught hold of Gerard's jacket, holding it tightly. At this, the stroking stopped and he felt Gerard's arm moving back, taking Frank's hand from the grip of his jacket and into his, never letting go. He managed to soothe him somehow, and after some minutes, Frank fell exhausted to sleep, still holding Gerard's hand.

Gerard noticed the steady breathing and pulled slightly back to check to see if Frank was sleeping. When he saw his tearstained eyes closed and his chest rising slowly up and down, he smiled sadly. What was wrong with his friend? He wanted to help him. He wanted him to smile again. He lay there some moments watching Frank sleep, when he turned over onto his back. Gerard smiled again, when he saw that Frank hadn't let go of his hand, while he had moved.

Finally, he too fell asleep.

-

"What the fuck…?" Frank woke up the next morning, feeling he wasn't alone in his bed; someone's arm was lying across his stomach and he could feel someone breathing into the crook of his neck. This someone was lying close. Too close. Then he remembered. He had dreamed so much shit that night that he at first thought he had dreamed that too. But this was real. Gerard was lying next to him, sleeping peacefully.

Oh shit. He had cried; he had made Gerard worry for him. Damn, Damn, Damn!! This was not supposed to happen. He felt panic rise inside him and quickly moved Gerard's arm away from his body. When he tried to climb over his friend out of the bed, he knew he should have taken a bit more time to do so carefully for he woke Gerard when his face was over his. Suddenly he was staring into those beautiful eyes he loved so much.

"What…" but Gerard went no further.

"Eh… I'm…" Frank also went no further, as his foot got caught in those bloody sheets as he tried to flee through the curtains. This resulted in a tumble from the middle bunk, ending with a hard thud on the floor, the sheets all over him.

"Fuck, Frank!" he could hear Gerard jump down and closed his eyes. This was too much. Could it get any worse?

"Ouhhh…" he groaned and when he opened his eyes, he found three pairs of eyes looking down at him. Fortunately two of them looked sincerely worried; Ray immediately asked him if he had hurt himself. Bob only laughed.

"Fuck." Frank pulled the sheets over his head. Then he heard the door to the bus open and Mikey's voice:

"Whoa, what happened here?" Bob was still laughing, so Ray answered.

"Frank fell out of his bed."

"Damn it, man, how did you do that?" Mikey asked.

Frank yanked the sheets off him and stood up, feeling a slight pain in his lower back.

"I just fell," he said annoyed and flung the sheets back into his bed, avoiding eye contact with Gerard.

"Haha!" Thank you, Bob for your pity.

"Didn't you hurt yourself?" Ray asked surprised, looking Frank over for any damage, trying to turn him around while searching.

"No, I'm… OUCH! DAMN IT, RAY!!" Frank shouted, when Ray smacked him gently on his butt.

"You ARE hurt!" Ray teased innocently, pointing his finger at Frank's ass.

All this time Gerard hadn't said a word and Frank wanted to look at him, to determine if he was upset, but he couldn't get himself to do it. Just then Mikey spoke up, about making some coffee.

"Good idea." Finally. Gerard was apparently still there. Well, of course, Frank had seen his shoes every time he wanted to look at him.

Fuck, this was so awkward, he had cried and the man, who he was madly in love with, but who he couldn't tell, had been there for him, not forcing anything out of him. He knew he owed Gerard an explanation, but what the hell should he say??

Frank hadn't noticed Ray, Bob and Mikey clamber into the back of the bus for coffee and breakfast, when Gerard opened his mouth again.

"You okay?" No, he was not-o-fu… yeah. Talk! He was waiting for an answer.

"Yeah." Frank glanced briefly at Gerard, forcing a smile and turned around to leave for breakfast. He didn't hear Gerard sigh.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **_this is for __rawwrasaurus, you know why ;-) …bloody hell_

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**Chapter 2**

"So tonight you have the show and then a few days rest again. We'll keep driving west and the next stop…" Frank soon stopped listening to Jerry, who was telling them about their tour plan, while they all sat around the table in their bus, getting breakfast. He still felt embarrassed about last night's happenings. He never wanted Gerard to see him like this.

Frank didn't notice the comic book lying in front of him on the desk, surrounded by coffee cups, but he stared at it, lost in thought, until the letters became blurred. His fingers drummed a rhythm on the table to music only he could hear. He never noticed that the others were trying to get his attention, until Bob poked him in his side with his elbow.

"What?" he looked at Bob, who just grinned and took a sip of his coffee. Frank turned to look at the others, noticing their smirks.

"What? Sorry… just got…" Just got what? He looked at the table and remembered the comic book in front of him, which he quickly pointed at, letting the others know what had distracted him.

"You're practicing your upside down reading?" Ray asked, amused.

Frank looked at him confused, so Ray nodded at the comic and he looked down at it and… Damn. It was upside down.

This really had to stop; he was becoming too suspicious. After he answered the question they wanted to ask him, he turned back to his own thoughts, every once in a while letting his eyes flicker towards Gerard, who fortunately didn't notice. At least he thought so.

He needed him so badly. Every time he thought of him or saw him, he felt his body react towards him. And not just in a sexual way. And he did not just feel only shaking, if he couldn't get near him for a day. He was sure that this must be what an addiction felt like. And what would addicts do to not feel this weak? They got their dose. He just needed to take advantage of their normal flirting and maybe he would feel better. At least he persuaded himself to think that it would work.

Jerry got up and the others followed him out of the bus. Gerard stayed behind, letting the others go first and cutting off Frank's chance to escape. When they were alone, Gerard turned around to face Frank, who looked anywhere but at his face.

"I was…"

"Listen, about last night," Frank cut him short, which didn't seem to annoy Gerard. He closed his mouth and looked at him attentively.

"I was just… It was… Eh… You know, didn't feel too good… had a bad day…" Alright, there was no fucking chance that Gerard would be satisfied and believe his babble. He looked up at the dark haired boy and he was right. Gerard looked at him sceptically and was apparently waiting for more.

But Frank didn't say more. Well, what the hell should he tell him?

'Gerard, thing is, I'm in love with you and you don't seem to have the same feelings for me, so I'll just go jump into Mount Doom, if that's alright with you.' Well, maybe it would work.

"Frank?"

Oops. Dreamland again. He had to stop doing this!

"Sorry, zoned out there."

And no wonder: he looked at those beautiful lips, they were… moving! Fuck, Gerard was saying something. What? Listen!

"…can talk to me, okay? If you feel like it…"

Ah yeah, he would not, but thank you for the offer.

"Yeah, alright, dude. Thanks. We have to go; I think Ray called." Frank jumped passed Gerard, who looked after Frank. He knew nobody had called and felt badly that Frank did not trust him. He stood there for a moment, thinking about anything that might have happened in the past that would explain Frank's behaviour, but he came up blank. He sighed again and grabbed his coffee mug, leaving for the others. After all, they had to prepare for the show tonight.

-

He wanted to fucking kiss him; he thought he would go insane, if he weren't able to do so soon. And, as stupid as it may sound, now was the perfect chance. They were on stage, making the audience go wild, and Gerard had just animated them to jump up and down with him to the rhythm of the music.

Frank needed a kick; he could feel the adrenaline pump in his veins and was getting more aroused with every second that passed. He needed to distract himself, so he striped out of his guitar, ran to the end of the stage and dived in. He could hear girls screaming out loud, when they realized who they were touching. And let's not talk about where they were touching too.

When he was handed back on stage after a few seconds, by one of the security men, right in front of Gerard - he saw him grin at him and it clicked. Fuck it, Frank thought and instead of getting his guitar, he climbed over the speaker, which separated him from Gerard and headed for him. Gerard had just turned around, singing to Bob and Mikey behind him, so Frank grabbed Gerard by the shoulder and turned him around, crashing his lips down onto his, opening his slightly after a few seconds. The crowd went wild once more and before he could let his tongue flicker across Gerard's lips, he was being pushed back, tripping over the foot Gerard had put behind his, to let him fall down. He landed on the ground, uninjured, as he still had a good grip on Gerard, who went down with him and had his hand clutched to Frank's shirt.

As soon as he was down, Gerard let go of his microphone, grabbed Frank's hair and started kissing him wildly. Ray had started on his solo and when the girls started screaming like there was no tomorrow, he felt Gerard grin into the kiss. This time he let his tongue run along Gerard's lips and when Gerard opened his mouth, theirs met. Frank forgot all about the show, the stage they were on; he couldn't hear any of the music or the wild audience. Nothing. It was just the very pleasant feeling of Gerard lying on top of him, their lips connected, tongues playing and the psychotic feeling in his stomach. He wished for the moment to last forever or at least go slow motion as in those movies he hated. But, alas…

As soon as it had started, it ended again. Gerard pulled his head back, grinned at Frank and got back up, picking up his microphone, and left Frank on the floor. Abruptly, it all came back to him, he felt the music vibrate through the floor, the sound of screams started to fill his ears again and he remembered were he was. He turned around and crawled back on his hands and knees to where he had left his guitar.

Gerard was singing again and the fans were out of it, screaming, singing and jumping around, obviously delighted by the show.

Frank played the rest of the song sitting on his knees, not trusting his legs to carry him yet.

-

He needed a cold shower. They had just entered their backstage room, and while the others collapsed on the couch, he could only think of finally getting under the water to cool himself off. He grabbed a towel and headed for the bathroom, soon standing under the cold water.

"Ah, fuck!" Too cold. He held his breath until he had found a warmer temperature. Better, he thought, but nevertheless was there something wrong with the shower. The next second it turned hot again. Burning hot.

"SHIT!" Frank jumped back slightly and started to turn on the handle again. He didn't get back under it immediately, but stuck his hand out, waiting for it to change again. And it did. Instead of staying at the temperature he had adjusted, it went ice cold again after a moment.

"What the…" he turned the handle again a few times and waited for it to change, but apparently it had stopped. He went back under the water and closed his eyes.

"Stupid shower." He mumbled to himself, when he finally could let the water flow down his body without further interruptions.

Or so he thought.

Only a few seconds later, he heard someone laugh.

In the bathroom.

"Having problems in there?" Fuck. What the hell was he doing in here??

"Gerard?"

"Frank."

"Ehm… what are you doing?" Frank began to get nervous and felt a stirring sensation in his body. He immediately thought of where he had laid the bloody towel.

"Getting rid of the make-up." Gerard sounded concentrated.

"And messing with the water?" Frank replied, mocking annoyance. Gerard laughed shortly.

"Sorry."

"It was you!" Frank pointed a finger at the wall, behind which Gerard was standing.

"Sorry! You can have a go yourself, when it's my turn, if you feel better then." His turn? Did he actually wait for his turn? Well, of course he would, they all waited. Or had found other showers in the meantime, as they used to do. The thought of Gerard with him in the shower flashed through his mind and he bit his lip, trying to get it away. Well, if he would have been alone, but…

"Better hurry or I'll come in."

Holy …

"I'm finished!" Frank said a bit too fast and he hoped, Gerard had not heard the panic in his voice, so he hurried to add something else.

"Do you see my towel anywhere?" he called out, turning off the water.

"Yes." Came the reply after a few seconds of Gerard obviously letting his eyes wander the bathroom for the item in question. But nothing happened afterwards, so Frank stuck his head out of the shower, to see what was wrong. He found Gerard reading the backside of some stupid shampoo bottle and his towel too far away from him to reach, without getting out.

Damn. If he hadn't have to be in love with this man, who was teasing him all the time, he would just get out and get it himself.

"Will you give it to me then?" he asked and raised his eyebrows, when he heard Gerard's reply.

"No."

"Why not?"

Gerard started grinning. He opened the cabinet and put the bottle back in, now looking it through and not once looking at Frank.

"It's getting fucking cold!" Frank wished that were the truth.

And still no reply. At least Gerard had closed the stupid cabinet and turned to lean on the sink, arms crossed, grinning at Frank, who narrowed his eyes, looking askew back.

"Why don't you get it yourself?" Teaser!! Did he actually know what he was doing to him?

"I… eh…"

"What are you guys doing in there?" Frank was never so happy to hear Ray's voice from the other side of the door.

"Taking a shower." Gerard called back. There was a short pause before they heard Ray speak again.

"Together?"

"No, Frank won't let me." Gerard grinned again.

"Well then come out finally, we want to go grab something to eat."

"Gerard, you got a call!" Mikey now shouted. Frank reminded himself to kiss the younger Way some time for saving his ass.

"Too bad." Gerard smirked to Frank and left, closing the door behind him. He walked towards Mikey and his cell, and thought that at least Frank was still up for a little flirting. Perhaps the kiss on stage was a sign that Frank would get better soon again. How wrong he was.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Soon they were all sitting in a tiny car on the way to some party Brian invited them to. Some guy he knew from a production team was having his birthday party, but the loads of food and beer were what truly convinced the group to go.

So now Ray, Gerard, Frank and Bob were squeezed together on the backseat, while Mikey could spread out on the passenger seat, Worm of the crew driving.

Frank was thinking that part over: Why was the skinniest of them allowed to sit in the fucking passenger seat, while the rest were squashed together in the back? Worm had actually apologized for it getting tight in the back, since they were four, but he remembered Mikey hurrying to be the one sitting in front, saying something like 'That's alright, dude.' Yeah. Funny guy. So now Frank was squeezed between Bob and Gerard, but he didn't mind. For obvious reasons. So maybe he should stop complaining to himself and after a minute of looking outside the window, he yawned.

"Tired?" Gerard had turned his head, speaking quietly, so only Frank could hear, as the others talked and listened to some music on the car radio. Frank just nodded and slid further down in his seat, trying not to move his knee, which was touching Gerard's. He liked the feeling of being so close to him, but then again it made him insane to not being able to…

"We're here." They pulled up to a house and they heard music emitting from it as the group walked up to the door.

-

They had been at the party for about two hours and Frank had discovered that not even a few beers could wake him up tonight. He was so tired he could sleep on the spot. Maybe fresh air would help.

He exited through the front door, trying to find anybody he knew amongst the drunken horde. He heard Ray laugh somewhere nearby, and tried to make his way through, but ended up in the back garden. It was nice back here; there were only a few people and they were much quieter than those inside. For a minute or two. Suddenly he heard a loud laughter and some people emerging from the house. Frank looked over to check what was going on.

"Looks like Mikey has had enough for tonight," he mumbled to himself and watched Mikey stumble around the garden with some others.

Okay, fresh air was not helping. Beer was not helping. Either there was coffee inside or a willing Gerard to drag him somewhere cosier.

He was betting on the coffee.

So inside again he headed, passing Mikey, who hugged him and continued on with whatever he and some of the guys were laughing at.

The living room was not as filled as it had been before; apparently a lot of guests had left or were lying on the floor somewhere, passed out. He looked around for anyone he knew, and his heart got faster when he saw who was lying on the couch with his eyes closed. Ah, perfect chance. But should he really push his luck? Whatever the right answer was, he just couldn't let this chance slip and was glad that alcohol made him braver… or careless.

Frank hurried over to the couch and sat down on top of Gerard's stomach. Of course, he opened his eyes at this.

"You're sitting on me," Gerard stated.

Frank pointed a finger at him.

"That's true." Why was the man always right? Frank managed to slip behind Gerard, pushing him slightly toward the edge of the couch.

"Is there any coffee?" he asked, but knew that if there was, Gerard would not be lying here, almost asleep.

"All gone." Gerard eyed his friend, who was starting to make himself comfortable, lying down in the almost non-existent space between the back of the couch and Gerard. Frank cuddled up to Gerard, laid his head on his chest and placed an arm around his waist.

"You're not going the get the couch," Gerard declared, but put an arm around Frank nevertheless. He was just glad that Frank was apparently back to normal.

"It's not the couch I want…" Frank mumbled, hoping Gerard hadn't heard.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Are you drunk?"

"Just a bit. I'm fucking tired though." Frank yawned again and closed his eyes.

"I could try to find something to keep you awake," Gerard started and Frank felt him move. He was so not going to get up! He needed to be close to him and he had never lain better.

"STAY! I need this!" Frank clutched Gerard by his shirt and let his leg intertwine with Gerard's, not allowing him to move another inch.

"Alright! I'll stay. …You look like you need it."

What??! Oh, he thought, he was probably just talking about sleep. Yeah, he might need that too.

"Lying good?" Gerard stroked him slightly on the back.

"Mmmm."

"Thought so."

They were silent for a few minutes, the music was still playing, thought not so loud as when they arrived and apparently the party had been moved to outside. At least they could hear Mikey's voice coming from the garden sometimes. A few people passed them, either leaving or just stumbling around for something.

"Hey faggots! Watch it, you're not alone," some guy suddenly shouted from somewhere behind them.

"Damn shame. I could do much better without you waiting for some action," Gerard shouted back and Frank had to chuckle.

"I thought you were asleep?" Gerard asked when he felt Frank grin against him.

"I am."

"Then why are you talking?"

"Well I _was_ and I still would _be_ asleep, if you would finally shut up!"

There came no reply.

"Gee?"

"Yeah?"

"Why aren't you talking?"

"You just told me to shut up."

"Do you do every thing I order you to do?"

"Yes."

'Well then drag me to the next bedroom and … DON'T THINK!' Not good! Gerard was lying close, or rather he was lying close, and he would notice if Frank enjoyed a certain dream too much… Then there would be no choice but to run for the bathroom and leave this beautiful man here all alone, finishing business off by himself.

"Something special on your mind?" He could hear the playful tone in Gerard's voice.

Yes, Frank thought, letting himself have a few daydreams, careful not to push it too far, which wasn't easy.

"Mmmm…" He growled sleepily after a few seconds. He was really almost going to fall asleep, when:

"AWWWW! LOOK AT THAT!" Mikey had obviously found them. Frank opened one eye carefully and saw Mikey pointing at them, making some weird face. He closed his eye again and spoke or rather grumbled:

"Mikey, go away."

"You look so cute!!"

"And you're drunk," Frank mumbled against Gerard's chest, but loud enough for Mikey to hear.

"You're drunk too!" came the quick reply.

"So what?" Frank half-opened his eyes. Bob had joined them and let himself fall into the nearest chair.

"Nothing. You started this!"

What was he talking about? This kid made no sense.

"What are you talking about?"

"I have no idea." Mikey swayed, then looked at Bob, grinned, and turned around suddenly, leaving the room again.

"Where's Brian?" they heard him ask out loud.

"Oh man," Bob mumbled from his chair and Frank closed his eyes again.

After an everlasting moment, because he couldn't tell how long he had lain still, cuddled up to Gerard and almost asleep, he noticed the worshiped scent from Gerard. Why hadn't he noticed before? God, he could drown in it.

"You smell good." He really did.

"No thanks to you though, as I would almost not have gotten the chance to take a shower."

Ah yeah, the shower scene. The shower and Gerard… The shower and Gerard! WONDERFULLY BAD SHOWER SCENE was forming in his head!!! Fuck, go away!! Think of something… No, shit! It was not helping and he was getting… Bathroom, now!

Frank groaned and got up, climbing over Gerard, who raised his head and looked at him with a surprised expression. Frank nearly stumbled over his own feet as he reached the floor, but managed to steady himself before heading for his relief.

"Where are you going?" He heard Gerard shout after him.

"Bathroom."

'And it would be nice, if you'd join me, but I guess I shouldn't have too high expectations', he thought, when he found the bathroom and locked the door behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: thank you,** _rawwrasaurus, Cannibal Glow_ **and** _I Spaz With Pizzazz_ **for reading and reviewing! you made my day and night and yipieayyeah!**

**and enjoy bob's birthday tomorrow! =)**

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Chapter 04

Gerard was no longer on the couch, when Frank returned so he decided to go look for him. It wasn't as if there was anything better to do besides enjoying Gerard's company. So, Frank walked out the back door after his visit to the bathroom and landed in the garden again. There were still a few people out in the garden, and he crossed his arms in front of his chest as the cold night air quickly surrounded him. The hoodie he was wearing did little to take the edge off of the cold.

Frank walked to a more secluded spot and leaned against the wall, resting his head and allowing his eyes to close. He could feel the alcohol easing off, and the melancholy began to creep back in.

"I thought I saw you walk out here." He didn't even have to open his eyes to know the origin of that lovely voice, but he did so anyway, pushing himself of the wall to face Gerard, swaying slightly in the progress.

Gerard just stood there, studying his face. Frank couldn't bring himself to fake a smile and Gerard could tell that something was bothering his friend. He also knew that he wanted to try to help him, but guessed that getting Frank to open up would not be an easy task this time.

"It's fucking freezing," Frank remarked suddenly, trying to break the silence and Gerard's stare. Had he followed him, or had he just found him out here by coincidence? Probably the latter.

"Yeah."

When Frank didn't say anything further, Gerard spoke again.

"Feeling better?"

"What… oh, yeah… yeah," Frank nodded quickly, looking down at his shoes, feeling the weird urge to laugh out loud.

Gerard probably thought he had been sick, since he had been drinking quite a bit before dashing off to the bathroom. Frank rubbed his arms; it really wasn't that funny, damn it.

_I would feel even better, if you'd just hug me right now_, he further thought, and was completely taken by surprise when Gerard took a step forward and pulled him into his arms.

Holy shit. He could read his mind! Well, alright then: _Continue with what you were doing __with me__ on stage_.

Unfortunately nothing happened. _Damn. That would have been fantastic. _Frank sighed into Gerard's neck, while his head continued to rest on his shoulder.

"You alright?" Gerard asked softly.

Frank nodded, and then mumbled, "Just tired."

"It was a cool show."

_And it was an amazing kiss._ "Yeah."

Gerard was silent the next few minutes and Frank enjoyed the proximity between them. The alcohol was about to wear off now for real, and he started thinking about the mess he was in even more. He needed this man so badly that it was making him sick. He felt like shit and worn out every time he thought about the fact that this would never happen.

Frank closed his eyes. He really had to suppress the urge to kiss Gerard. He could not keep torturing himself like this; he would just end up getting more than just fucking depressed. What were his options? Either he would tell him or – no, he couldn't. He would risk losing everything between them…

There was no other way. He had to get over this. He knew this could never happen; it was not just some stupid crush, but fucking painful _unrequited_ _love_. He knew Gerard for some time now and it was not just a… He needed to get some distance. Ignore the feelings. Yeah, that was going to work. Who was he trying to fool? But he had to try, he was fucking going to pot.

He sighed again. Distance it would have to be, he thought and felt Gerard rubbing his back gently.

-

Frank thought it would be easier to gain the endurance for his "distance-treatment", if he drank more beer. So more beer he drank, with Mikey, slipping away anytime Gerard approached. This of course made him suspicious, but Frank wasn't quite thinking of this. And didn't care. The exhaustion had completely disappeared at some point, and when they found a guy with weed, the mess was complete. At three in the mourning they were lying outside on the lawn, trying to build a pyramid out of blades of grass and… failing miserably.

Every time Brian passed them, he cast a suspicious look and when he tried to persuade them to get up, they answered something like:

"Egypt wasn't built in a day," which was followed by giggling.

"That was Rome, dude!" More giggling, which resulted in Brian returning to the inside of the house, shaking his head in surrender.

"You think it will snow today?" Frank flipped over onto his back, looking up the dark sky.

"Dude! It's summer! Besides, you just killed the sphinx!" Mikey said, trying to push Frank's head away.

"Ouh! Stop that!" Frank examined his head for any injuries and then grasped a pile of

grass, "Dude, you killed my hair!"

Mikey burst out laughing, when he saw what Frank was holding up in front of his face, "That's not your hair dude! HAHA! Oh my god… you're so fucking wasted…" he managed to get out between his fits of laughter.

"I thought it looked weird," remarked Frank, frowning and released the grass…right onto his face. Brushing the offending blades from his face, Frank looked up to see the amused countenance of Bob.

"Are you okay?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and looking from one band member to the other.

"Yeah," they both answered with goofy grins, acting innocent. Bob rolled his eyes and turned to leave, shouting back over his shoulder, "Then get up, we're leaving."

"Now?" Frank questioned, leaning on his elbows and looking after Bob, who had disappeared inside the house already.

"That sucks, man," he heard Mikey growl beside him.

They both finally managed to get up onto their feet after a few minutes of falling down and laughing hysterically each time.

"You guys coming?" Bob stuck his head out again.

Frank gave him thumbs up and they strolled to the front of the house, where they found Gerard, Ray and Bob saying their goodbyes to Brian.

"Yeah, so we give you a call, when we… whoa... how are you two doing?" Gerard caught sight of his brother and Frank joining them.

"Fuck!" Ray laughed out loud.

"I told you. Can you get them to the hotel by yourself or do you need some help?" Brian further inquired.

"Nah, that's… alright, I guess." Gerard said, while Ray laughed at the two figures swaying in front of them, grinning widely.

-

"Are we there yet?" Mikey whined.

"No! You just asked that a second ago…" replied Ray in an amused tone, obviously being very patient with the two of them while they walked the dark street to their hotel.

"This is boring," Mikey continued, sighing.

"Just look up at the stars," Bob said, while lighting a cigarette. Mikey tilted his head back to get a good look at the sky… and promptly walked off the road and into a bush.

"Whoa… what happened?" Mikey asked, looking around confusedly, still hugging the bush. Frank grabbed him by the arm, not out of concern, but because he needed stabilization during his latest fit of laughter.

"D-Dude, y-you totally… ran into the bushes!" he laughed, pulling Mikey back out on the sidewalk. The other three who had walked on ahead, stopped and turned around.

"Fucking bush," Mikey swore, looking over at Gerard, who grinned at him.

"Here, take my hand, then you can look up while you walk." Frank took Mikey's hand in his and they walked past the others. Mikey resumed his stargazing, while Frank tried to get a cigarette from his pocket. The others followed, but Gerard caught up with Frank, offering his lighter. He had spent all evening trying to get Frank's attention, but it seemed as though Frank was running away from him. Why was he avoiding him now all of a sudden?

"Thanks, man," Frank mumbled with the cigarette in his mouth obviously avoiding Gerard's eyes. He therefore did not notice Gerard's light frown, while he packed the lighter and rest back in his pocket. The tingling sensation in his stomach left Frank trying to remember why he thought that staying away from Gerard was such a good idea.

"Man, I wish we had a camera," they heard Ray say from behind, who was looking at Mikey and Frank holding hands.

Gerard joined Ray and Bob from behind again, and the group walked for about five minutes in almost utter silence, only disturbed by Mikey and Frank giggling madly at something childish every few seconds. Gerard was beginning to get pissed off at Frank's aberrant behaviour.

"Oh look!" Frank suddenly burst out, grabbing hold of Mikey's jacket and pointing at the parked car next to them.

"What is it?" Mikey was dragged over and found himself staring down the hood of a black Mercedes.

"The ornament," Frank continued; his mouth was open and he could only stare at the silver adornment.

"Donlick it," Mikey slurred, not taking his eyes off of the shiny thing either.

"I wouldn't lick it."

"You wouldn't?"

He paused before answering, considering the question. He had frankly never thought of it.

"I don't know," Frank said groggily, as the other three guys caught up with them.

"What are you two doing?" Gerard asked.

"Not licking anything!" they shouted almost in unison. Then, turning to look at each other, they simultaneously burst out laughing, holding onto each other and the Mercedes.

Ray grinned and tried to figure out what they were laughing at.

"Man, they are so wasted," Bob stated, shaking his head but grinning slightly himself.


	5. Chapter 5

**a/n:** I'm sorry for the delay.

and thank you, _xVampireLoveBitesx_, for your support while I was struggling with writing this.

**beta:** the wonderful _Lawless Mi_s_ery_. you've been a great help and more than that. thank you very much.

**disclaimer:** no one owns the characters. plot idea is mine.

**-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Chapter 05

Gerard was still slightly displeased when, an hour later than expected, they had finally reached the hotel they were staying in. The band passed the suspicious looking desk clerk, as Mikey and Frank's voices threatened to wake the entire building. The rest of the band managed to guide the two drunkards up seemingly endless stories where their rooms were located. Frank had calmed down considerably and, fortunately, no other incidents had occurred. _One less evil to deal with_, Bob thought, as he pulled Mikey in the lift before the doors slid shut.

Leaned heavily against Bob, Frank's eyes were closed. He clutched Bob's shirt in his hand, while mumbling something incoherent, but Bob was sure he had made out the word 'sex' several times. Bob would have felt uncomfortable had he not known the difference between Frank's flirtatious come on and simple actions to make sure he was standing still.

So Bob's attention wasn't on the guitarist.

He just patted Frank's back absentmindedly, while watching Mikey with a stern expression. Frank didn't take notice of Bob's lack of interest in what he had to say, not that he did so himself. He swayed a bit, so he tightened his grip on Bob.

Then Frank turned silent. He didn't feel to swell all of a sudden. It could have been the mix of different liquors and illegal drugs, but he didn't question the source for his starting misery too much. He concentrated more on keeping everything inside while ignoring the constant switching of the elevator speed.

"Who's up for a movie?" the bass player asked cheerily when they stepped out of the elevator after several irritating minutes of stopping at every single story, because Mikey had thought it funny to press all the buttons. Bob had slapped his hand away at least three times and stopped him from activating the alarm, too. Besides glaring at Ray and Gerard, who had done nothing to help him, Bob was also planning his revenge on the two for just watching and chuckling from time to time.

"Don't you think you should go lay down instead?" Gerard sighed, his eyebrows rose at his brother while they walked down the corridor.

"Dude, I know you and Bob have a TV in your room, just open the door already."

Mikey pushed Gerard to the door of his room who unenthusiastically opened it and went inside, followed by Bob and Mikey. The latter running out soon after, into the room he shared with Frank next door, as he shouted something about getting some 'real bloody zombie movie'.

"Frank, are you com… Frank?" Ray turned around, halted from walking into Gerard and Bob's room when noticing Frank was not following, "You okay?"

"I…," Frank stood in the corridor next to the open door leading to his shared room with Mikey. He fixed the floor with his eyes and held a hand to his stomach. This would not end well. Not well at all.

"What's going on, you coming?" Gerard sigh and stuck his head out the door just to follow Ray's concerned look to where Frank stood, obviously concentrated on not puking right there on the floor.

"Oh fu… Nhh…," Frank took a careful breath and turned around when Mikey ran past him out of their room again.

"Got it!" he said with a smile and waved a DVD in front of him, the cover looked suspiciously like some Disney cartoon.

Mikey did not notice the scene in the corridor, but disappeared into the next room again while Frank flung a hand against the door Mikey had just left. He hurried inside as fast as his unsteady legs would work. The door was left open.

"I'll go check on him," Gerard said after exchanging looks with Ray and signaled him to join Mikey and the others while he followed Frank to find him in the bathroom on his knees, leaned over the toilet as he threw up.

Gerard rubbed his forehead absentmindedly, since he knew Frank normally knew when to stop drinking. And knowing how much he needed to get thoroughly wasted. _Big fucking surprise_, Gerard thought angrily, trying his best not to give neither Frank nor himself the fault. From the sinking feeling in his stomach and the frown that was forming on his face, he knew he was doing a miserable job.

"'M dying…," Frank slowly groaned into the toilet boil. Gerard crouched down next to him and decided to stroke the guitarists back gently instead of smacking him over the head.

"I can see."

Gerard handed him some toilet paper as well, which Frank accepted without a look up. He wiped away some spit from his lips as he hung over the toilet a few more seconds without more than a groan, curse and mumble about how he felt like shit. Gerard decided to pull him up. He guided Frank to the sink and turned on the water for him.

Still being steadied by Gerard from behind Frank tried to think how he could get Gerard to leave so he could be alone. Forgetting about Gerard wasn't exactly that easy when the reason for his misery stood directly behind him touching him, fucking helping him.

Frank needed him to leave. He had started to feel angry, although he couldn't have placed why or at whom. Maybe at himself for not finally doing something about it or taking the initiative? Or for not being able to forget about the whole thing... about Gerard? About the singer, who obviously made him lose control over his feelings and thoughts, let alone his actions? He was not being himself anymore and that really pissed him off.

So he started getting mad at Gerard for a change. He should have maybe made him leave before he could shout at him or something that he would regret too soon. _Remember– lack of control._

"You alright so far?" he heard Gerard ask, so he nodded. Maybe Gerard would leave, when he saw that Frank could stand by himself. He pushed himself a bit upright and steadied himself on the sink, while he willed his legs to hold him up and Gerard's hands left his body.

After a few seconds, Frank raised his head to check through the mirror above him if he was alone, but Gerard was leaning against the doorframe behind him. Leaning. He better too, the whole fucking room was spinning like hell.

Frank closed his eyes for a moment, trying to make the world return to normal. He opened them carefully again, looked back at Gerard in the mirror. He thought Gerard really looked sexy, standing there in the doorframe as he watched Frank sternly with his arms crossed. And again, he had to force himself to look elsewhere.

He took a deep breath and furrowed his eyebrows. Senseless self-inflicted torture.

He really needed to get over the feelings he felt, so he turned around, managed to _not_ trip over his own feet and fall straight into Gerard. Frank just wanted to lie down and hope he would leave him then and not start entertaining him.

Hm… although… Ugh!

There went those thoughts again.

"You … shss… go," Frank suddenly mumbled, managing to sound harsher than intended. His intoxicated state was not helping his diplomatic manners (or properly articulate) the slightest bit while trying to walk past Gerard to get to his bed and waving at Gerard lazily to get out. He could not really stand him being here any longer then, he just wanted to get to sleep and forget about his whole mess for a while. Really. But Gerard just needed to press a hand gently against Frank's chest to stop him from walking any further. Frank was too weak and tired to fight against it and the sensation the touch caused through the fabric of his shirt.

"Frank, c'mon…"

"No! Fuckin' leave!" Frank tried to hit Gerard's hand away, which surprisingly enough worked, seeing as his eyes and hand, or whole body for that matter, wasn't really cooperating right then. Gerard frowned at the sudden aggression and watched Frank, who held onto the doorframe with one hand, and sighed. He closed his eyes, just becoming aware that he had shouted at Gerard for no reason. Well there was a reason. But a stupid one. Honestly.

"Sorry, 'm just…," he felt the sickness return again, but tried to will it away. "I'm not… ugh!"

He had managed to turn away from Gerard in time, leaning over the toilet and puking the shit out of himself again. Great timing. Fuck. He could feel a hand on his back again and closed his eyes, stopping the inevitable tears, which always accompanied the pain of being sick, from filling his eyes.

Gerard bit his bottom lip and frowned, automatically brushing some hair out of Frank's face and behind his ear, where it fell forward again. Why, for Christ's sake, did Frank suddenly have the feeling he had to hide things from Gerard? Which he obviously did, because… well… weird behaviour… Gerard felt himself getting angry and closed his eyes. He could not have Frank distancing himself from him now. Not now.

When Frank had finished and pulled himself up to lean over the sink, with the steadying hands of Gerard, he drank some water and pushed Gerard's hands off him, a bit more gently this time. "'M alright."

He didn't hear Gerard move, so he raised his head slightly, to look at him through the mirror again.

Their eyes met and Gerard glared back at him looking pretty pissed, but tried, and obviously failing, to keep his cool.

_Whoa__, what's going on? _Frank thought.

"What the fuck is going on, Frank?" He looked confused, angry, and sort of desperate. If Frank had had the coherent ability to realize all this.

Realize that he probably wasn't the only one with a problem, not the only one hiding.

"Wha...," Frank turned around properly to face him.

"What's going on?!"

When Frank kept silent and just stared back at Gerard through heavy eyelids. Gerard shook his head, sighing deeply.

"Right, that's what I thought. I don't get any fucking answer; you just keep avoiding me then, am I right?"

"N-No… 'm not…," Frank's mouth fell slightly open, what the hell was he supposed to say? He just stared at Gerard as if he had declared his undying love for him. _Ah… that would be nice for a change._

"Fuck! You fucking are, Frank? You keep pushing me away all night! Why? What the hell did I do?"

_Nothing. You're just looking gorgeous_, Frank thought, feeling a headache start. Hell, if he had known Gerard was on his period, he would just had locked the door behind him. As if he would have managed to turn the key in the right direction.

"Alright, fine. You know what? Whatever. Just…," Gerard let out another sigh, eyes searching the ceiling shortly, before they fell back on Frank and he continued in his rage, "It's not like I did any fucking thing to make you act like that and now you're all behaving like I-don't-know … fuck… and… you're gonna ignore me the rest of the tour or something? Are you at least gonna tell me, what I did? Fuck, it's like… like you're pulling the worst girl-cliché on me here! I really don't wanna deal with this now!"

Didn't that man need to breathe in between words? That's the training from singing over an hour on stage, while jumping around. Your lungs are like those of a fucking shark. But seriously, what the hell was going on? Frank blinked a few times, swallowing and trying to remember what he had missed. His own exaggerated behaviour, apparently… No. That wasn't true. That was not. Fucking. True. He wasn't the one overreacting in this, damn it!

"Gee, what the..."

"DON'T USE THAT NAME, DAMN IT! If you're behaving like you hate me all of a sudden, you're not going to say it like that, for fuck's sake! Tell me what the fuck is going on!" Sharks didn't have lungs. Just really sharp teeth. Frank's eyes travelled down to Gerard's lips and he felt the urge to laugh. Damn all that grass.

"Well… sorry… I…" Damn, the room was starting to spin more than before. Not now. He quickly grabbed the sink behind him.

"Fuck 'sorry'. Why the hell am I even trying?" Gerard closed his eyes, taking a breath, trying to cool himself down a bit, before trying again. This time with a lower and more controlled calmer voice than before. "Frank, you're behaving like… I… as if you're having a bad conscience about something and don't have the guts to tell. What is it? You leaving the band or something?"

_No, I'm just in love, I'm just in fucking love, SORRY FOR BEING IN LOVE, YOU EGOCENTRIC LOVELY OBLIVIOUS__..._ Frank narrowed his eyes at Gerard. Good. He had not said that out loud.

Phew.

He didn't know though if he should be happy that Gerard was so oblivious or not. Then it started again. Spinning. He felt like he was in a fucking carousel. He closed his eyes automatically. Unfortunately at the wrong time.

"You… You're leaving?" He heard shock, despair and disbelief in Gerard's voice. Oh great. He was getting this all wrong.

This whole fucking situation was wrong.

"Wha... No! I'm…," he stammered out, bringing a hand to his head, stroking his temples.

"Fuck, Frank, WHAT?"

He needed to sit down, or he would surely connect with the floor no matter what, at least soon anyway, so he let himself glide down slowly, still holding onto the sink above him with one hand, the other trying to find a spot on the floor he could hold onto.

"Could we just… talk about it t'morrow or…," he let his arm fall down to rest next to him.

"You're gonna tell me then?" Gerard asked back, fuming again. Frank looked up at him through tired eyes, but the light from the ceiling stung them too much, so he closed them again, flinching. At least he could still form coherent sentences.

"G… I-I really- you you just- please…" So much for coherent sentences. He could hear Gerard move and opened his eyes to see him crouching right in front of him, his face near. He could feel his heart beating faster in his drugged up and exhausted body.

"C'mon, can't be that bad. Tell me." The anger had almost left the singer's features and voice this time. They locked eyes for a moment, before Frank's wandered down to his lips, resting there for a moment and then returning up again slowly. He couldn't think of anything else that moment than the fear of probably losing his best friend over something such as ridiculous as love. _How pathetic can you get?_ He could not keep on torturing himself like that, he _had_ made his decision. Get over him, return to… _return-my-ass_, fucking _stay_ with the friendship, he would never jeopardize it.

So he slowly shook his head, "'S nothing."

Despise all the alcohol and weed drugged feelings and thoughts that screamed for him to _'just tell him!'_, he was surprised he found the strength to fight them and forced himself to keep looking at Gerard, although he was afraid of the reaction already.

But nothing happened, he didn't look angry, he didn't shout. Nothing. There was nothing to read in the emotionless expression he held and he stayed in front of Frank for a moment, looking at him. Then his eyes wandered down the floor and he stood up, not moving for a second, as if he thought of something to say. But nothing came. Gerard just turned around and left the room without a word.

Frank clenched his jaw and brought a hand to his eyes, rubbing the burning spots. What the fuck had he done? He shook his head slightly, trying to will away the thoughts that started to mess with his head. He would like to kick his own ass right now, if he had been in a state to do so, which… was never… anyway. Instead he just sat there on the floor, left alone after a stupid fight with Gerard, probably just having caused his fear to become a bit too much of reality. It was his fault. They normally talked about stuff that was on their minds, they could trust each other, they never treated each other as arrogantly as Frank probably had done all evening, after he had made his _stupid fucked up decision_, but he _couldn't_ talk to him this time and he _was _actually pushing him away. Gerard had only tried to help. Again. And he had pushed him away. Again. Well, what else could he do? Gerard would calm down…

He felt the sickness return and crawled back to the toilet, dry heaving when he heard the door to his room open and close.

"Frank?" He could hear Mikey approach the bathroom, while he calmed down his breathing. "Bob kicked me out. He said I was annoying him and that he wanted to sleep. I'm telling you, he's getting old and he said he didn't want to dream about Hercules. He could just..."

Apparently, the younger Way had not been in such a bad shape as himself as he was talking non stop from just entering their room and approaching Frank, who was trying to get his legs to carry him again.

He hauled himself up to the sink and groaned some curses. Raising his head, he turned around to meet Mikey in the doorway.

"Dude, you look like shit."

"Feel like it, too," Frank mumbled, stumbling into the room, not being aware of Mikey following him. When he reached his bed, he let his heavy feeling body fall down on it and buried his face in the pillow.

"Hey, I heard Gerard getting pretty loud just before… you two alright?"

At the thought of the fight from before, Frank started to laugh, felt tears escaping and shook his head. "No, you know what?... No…" Nothing like weed and alcohol to help control emotions you want to hide. Well, it worked just a minute ago, why couldn't it now?

"Whoa, dude, what's wrong?" He felt Mikey sit down next to him, "You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fucking fabulous, don't you see?" Frank rubbed his eyes angrily, turning to face Mikey and glaring daggers at him.

"What's wrong?" He could hear that Mikey was still a bit drunk, and his eyes were slightly red from being high, but well… so was he.

On which excuse he based his next words. "I'm in fucking love with your brother!" He let his face fall down on the pillow again, getting annoyed with the situation, as he didn't feel any relief whatsoever although he had finally told someone. Maybe the wrong one.

"Oh," Mikey had his mouth open, grinning slightly, looking at the wall, while Frank slammed his fist into the mattress a few times, trying to get rid of some tension.

"So… shouldn't you like… be happy then?" Frank heard him continue, which only let more tears appear and Mikey spoke again, apparently realizing what the problem was. "He doesn't know…"

Frank couldn't hear if it was a question or a bloody realization, so he shook his head.

"Why don't you tell him then?"

Frank raised his head, eyes watery with tears, looking baffled at the naïve question. "I…I can't!"

He felt hopeless and angry and restless and got up, starting to pace the room. He wanted to… hell; he didn't know what he wanted anymore.

"Why not?" Mikey was still sitting on the bed, now following Frank with his eyes, as he walked back and forth in a not very straight line.

"Because, I… He is… I can't… He- He will just… UGH!!"

"Ah," Mikey first said, looking thoughtful, then tilted his head to the side and narrowing his eyes at Frank. "I don't get it."

Frank sighed, stopping in front of his bed and looked up at the ceiling in despair. As he didn't find the solution up there as well, he sighed once more and let himself fall on his bed again.

"Fucking stupid SHIT LIFE!" he shouted, punching the mattress once more.

"Dude, you ruin yourself that way. Talk with him or something," Mikey got up and plumped down on his own bed, crawling under the sheets.

Frank let out a crazy laugh, "Talk with him? Right. You fucking know your brother. He'll probably joke around, before realizing _I'm not_, then gettin' all disturbed and walkin' off to write a song about it. …It'll be awkward."

Mikey frowned at that, telling Frank that he underestimated his brother and after a while of feeling frustrated, Frank looked over at him, starting to feel tired.

"So you're okay with this?"

"You have my blessings. If you don't start grabbing his ass in front of me, I'm okay with it."

"I just did! …The show!"

"…That's different. That's just show."

"No, it wasn't," Frank mumbled.

"Oh… right. Weird."

Frank groaned again and buried his head into the pillow again.

"What where you fighting about before I came?" Mikey asked after a few minutes and Frank could hear he was almost asleep. As was he, so it lasted a few seconds before he answered, the gaps between their sentences getting longer each time.

"He thought I was pushing him away for some reason and freaked out."

"Where you?"

"Yeah."

"Stupid."

"Yeah."

They went silent for a moment. Then Frank spoke again, "Now he's pissed at me and won't probably talk to me or anything like that."

"Stupid."

"Yeah."

"I'm fucking hungry."

"You're what?"

"Hungry."

"Oh, I thought you said horny."

"Hungry," Frank groaned again.

"Me too."

"Why don't you just… I don't know… kiss him or something. Ew."

"I did… the show, Mikey…"

"Oh, right. But you do that all the time."

"Mhmmm," Frank fell asleep with a smile on his face, dreaming himself off to a far away life. Gerard would calm down.


	6. Chapter 6

**a/n: **thanks to the lovely reviewers last time =)

**beta:** sayachimaera, thank you so much!

**disclaimer:** same as last time

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 6

Alright, he might have felt better before. Way better. _Way._ His fault after all, Frank was feeling like shit now and had shouted at him yesterday. Or… tonight. Sometime in the morning anyway...

_Yeah, fucking blame everything on_ him. That'll _help deal with those issues of yours so you can start to act normally around him again._ Frank turned his head from being buried in his pillow to the side, but regretted it instantly. "Uh… Fuck. Stop the light…"

"From shining?"

Frank groaned, feeling even more miserable than before his eyes had been burned ruthless. He turned his head once more to the other side and glanced towards the other bed. Mikey was lying on his back with one arm draped over his eyes.

"Yeah. Stop it."

"Do it yourself, you lazy wanker."

Someone knocked on the door. Neither of them reacted.

The knocking continued.

"You think they're dead?" They heard Ray from outside.

"Guys! Get the fuck up!" Bob, considerate as ever. What if they _were_ dead?

"Uhhh…" Mikey groaned and rolled on his side, pulling the sheets over his head simultaneously. Frank closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. What was the time? They couldn't possibly have slept more than three minutes. Or hours. Whatever.

"Guys!"

"I'm fucking coming!" Frank shouted back, although it came out more like a loud groan as he tossed his legs over the edge of the bed. His head felt like it still was glued to the bed, but he made his way over to the door. Each step made him feel like he was moving in slow motion, leading him to bump into Mikey's bed at least four times before reaching the door. How he managed to be so clumsy he had no idea, but his bloodshot eyes he refused to open probably had something to do with it. Though seemed to take forever, he finally reached the door and fumbled it open.

"Had a good night's sleep?" Ray should change his occupation. Fucking comedian.

"Perfect," Frank growled, leaning onto the door for support.

"Then get your tiny ass down. Brian's here." With that Bob turned around and left, followed by Ray.

Frank must have fallen asleep while pondering over some witty comeback, when he felt someone rush past him, causing the floor to creak and a slight breeze to slide over him.

He opened his eyes just enough to see and raised his eyebrows before managing to lean out of the door frame to see the back of Gerard disappearing down the stairs down the corridor. That woke him up.

"Shit! Damn it!!" he hissed, when he closed the door and made his way to the bathroom. He must have looked like an idiot, standing in the fucking door frame, asleep! _Jesus…_

"What time is it?" Mikey was walking into the bathroom as well, pushing Frank away from the sink with a yawn.

"Time to fuck up again," Frank mumbled and got out, slipping into his shoes, ignoring the fresh clothes from his suitcase in favor of his beer- and grass-stained ones from last night that bore wrinkles from sleeping in them. He would grab a shower and change later, he thought as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He was waiting for Mikey to get ready, a feat which could take some time as he noticed his roommate was too tired to see his shoes lying by the door rather than their usual spot under his bed. Unfortunately, this little delay gave Frank time to think.

He should probably just hate him, really. _Hate the guts out of him. Hate him instead of love him. Hate the way he talked, the way he walked, the way he tugged on his hair, the way he blinked, the way he cleared his throat... Hate the way he sipped his coffee and flirted with him on stage, the way he moved, the way his trousers sat on his hips,... His nose, the way he laughed, the way he looked when he was concentrating,... Hate the way he approached Frank on stage a second before he would kiss him or touch him,… The way he would cast him meaningful glances, the way he ignored him, the way he would yell at him,... The way he had kneeled down in front of him last night, his scent,... The way he smokes his cigarettes, the way he_ lights _his cigarettes_, while he was thinking about it…

After ten more minutes of Frank giving Mikey hints of the right direction to his shoes (having one of them flying in _his_ direction when Mikey finally managed to crawl over to them), they managed to join the others in the small comfortable looking restaurant in the hotel.

Frank slumped in a seat next to Brian, which was opposite to where Gerard was sitting. If his eyes had been able to see more than an inch around his feet, he would have noticed sooner. _Well, too late for changing_, he thought as Mikey occupied the last remaining seat and began reaching for the coffee.

"Good morning," Brian said amused at the sight of them, raising his eyebrows at the two zombies.

"Liar," Frank mumbled, erupting a laugh from Ray.

"Well, at least you hear what I'm saying, that's all I need to know."

They started talking about their tour plan and upcoming shows and some other related things, which Frank thankfully acknowledged. He concentrated on just sitting there, staring at the toast in front of him and trying not to puke again. At least they could stay at the hotel for another night, not having to hurry on for the next show right away.

"I'm having a shower." He heard Mikey announce somewhere next to him and that was when he realized he didn't know where this 'somewhere next to him' was. He was fucking dizzy, so he grabbed the table with one hand, trying to stop it from spinning. _Fucking maniac psycho table._

"What did you just call the table?" Bob snorted somewhere around him. Shit, had he insulted the table out loud?

"Are you okay?" Now it was Brian's voice and probably his hand, he was feeling on his back. Frank closed his eyes, as it really did nothing for him to have them open right now.

"Dizzy," he said shortly, not wanting to hold a speech about the fucking state of health.

"You should lie down."

"Right. Lemme just get comfortable on the floor here, 'k?" Frank said, hoping to shut Ray up from sharing more gems of advice.

This one, however, he decided to follow, sort of, as he leaned to the side with a groan, and let his head fall onto Brian's lap and swing his legs up the empty chair on his other side that Mikey had occupied just a second ago.

It wasn't comfortable, but he was laying down.

_Somehow._

"Feeling better?" Brian was being sarcastic, he noticed.

"No, your jeans scratch." Truth was, from under here he had a wonderful view at Gerard's legs. And crotch. Another thing on the list to hate. _Hate how tight his jeans were..._ He was more than happy the dizziness left his mind. _Perfect timing_. And the ability to ignore the constant bobbing of Gerard's right leg.

"They're new."

"Oh! You look good in them, man."

"You're really in no position to flirt with Brian right now."

"Fuck you, Bryar."

"No, thank you."

While they quarreled jokingly back and forth, Frank noticed Gerard hadn't said a word since he got there. Frank sat up again after managing to avoid bumping his head into the table. He could swear Gerard was hurrying to take his eyes off of him when Frank looked at him. He still looked angry though.

"Well, I'm off, too," Ray spoke as he got up, followed by Bob who pulled out his cigarettes, signaled to them that he was going out for a smoke.

The three of them were left behind with a tense silence, resulting in Brian looking back and forth between the other two, who were busy ignoring each other.

Brian finally chose to break the silence with honesty. "You guys seem tense. Everything alright between you?" His inquiry was answered with silence. Both suddenly found the china interesting, refusing to speak.

"Frank?"

Frank glanced shortly over at Gerard, who still was playing with his spoon. Brian followed his glance and opened his mouth again, "Gerard?"

Now Gerard was looking up. _At Frank._ He was raising his eyebrows slightly, daringly _-- hate the way he raised his eyebrows--_ as if to wordlessly ask Frank if he had something to say. Which he didn't.  
Gerard, then, glanced over at Brian and shrugged nonchalantly.

Frank didn't want to get lectured by either of them and if he wasn't going to have another look at Gerard's crotch, there was no reason for him to stay. _Okay, that's a lie_, but he needed an excuse to get up. He did, looking from left to right. _Where the hell had he come from?_

"Uhm…"

"That way," Brian sighed, but in an amused tone and pointed the right direction for Frank to leave.

When he had reached the door, having grabbed the back of his chair to keep from falling over it, he looked back once more, seeing Gerard and Brian talk while Gerard shook his head several times at something Brian or he had just said.

Of course they were talking about him.

-

Showered and resembling a human being slightly more than earlier, Frank walked out the bathroom, towel around his hips and yawning as he rummaged through his bag for some fresh clothes that didn't smell of… Well, that simply didn't smell.

He looked up to see Mikey sitting on his bed, writing away on his sidekick in concentration with a furrowed brow and leaning against the headboard with his legs outstretched. Frank snorted at the sight and let the towel fall and changed.

He yawned once more and stretched his arms over his head, turning around and searching the room for something to take his mind of things, when really all he wanted to do was get some more sleep without being woken up by Bob at the door again. That, or giving Gerard a good blow job, so he would forgive him for last night.

And that was exactly what Frank would do, 'cause honestly, he should probably be just more chilled about the situation and everything would turn out just great. _Just get over there, knock on the door, smile at Gerard and push him on the bed._ Provided Bob wasn't in the room. Well, they had a fucking bathroom, didn't they? And he should just try and look at it from another point of view. If he was Gerard and he just came up to him, asking him if he could give him a blow job, _he_ would surely not turn him self down.

Alright. _Al-fucking-right_, he was going nuts. Bonkers. …Or just going back to normal, really.

"How come you're so awake?" Frank asked Mikey, not knowing if he would ever acknowledge Frank and therefore receiving an answer, as he was oblivious to the world at that moment.

"Coffee," Mikey said concentrated, the tone in his voice clearly telling Frank to not start a conversation right now. So he did. "You only had _one_ downstairs."

"Gerard," came the monotone reply followed by some tapping noises.

"They have some?" Frank raised his eyebrows at the thought of coffee next door. He should have known either one Way or the other would have a storage of coffee in their rooms.

Mikey started to nod as a reply, but his head ended up freezing half way, as he apparently tried to write something and hadn't have the time – or concentration - to fucking nod or do both. Jeez.

"I'm going over."

"Mhm."

Frank narrowed his eyes at the bass player. "I took a picture of you while you were sleeping."

"Ok."

"Naked."

"You were naked?" Mikey asked seemingly absentminded with a monotone voice.

Frank snorted. "You were."

No reply.

"I'm going to send it on the internet."

"Mhm."

"And then I'm photoshopping it into either something 'Frikey' or 'Waycest' kind of thing," Frank said, while making air quotations marks with his fingers, "so our lovely pervy fans get a kick out of it."

"'K."

"And tomorrow, when you're asleep, I'm gonna steal that sidekick, send some dirty messages to Pete and throw it out the window, while we're on the road, you'll never know it was me, just having a weird feeling, like an addict, that something is missing."

"Cool."

Frank grinned and shook his head and gave up, walking to the door, when he heard Mikey behind him.

"Personally I'm not into the whole Waycest stuff, Frikey is kind of hot sometimes and if you so much as _look_ at my sidekick, I'll tell Gerard you want to suck him off."

Frank's hand on the door handle stopped from moving, as he grinned over his shoulder on the younger Way, who had his eyes still glued to the precious device in his hands, and after a quick look of disgust, he kept on looking all concentrated and innocent again.

"Nerd."

"Perv."

"How come I'm a perv? I just want your oblivious brother to love me and hold me and…" Frank grinned again, when Mikey cut him off.

"Aaarrggh enough for my ears, they'll start bleeding if you continue this romantic bullshit!" Mikey scrunched up his face, glaring briefly at Frank before returning his attention to the sidekick.

"I _am_ romantic!"

"Fine, be it with _him_ and stop telling me about it!"

"That's what I'm gonna do." _After having him moan my name and begging me to come over every single night in the future to make him do it again_. Frank turned to the door once more, opening it and leaving his room, just to knock on the one next to them.


	7. Chapter 7

sshh *whispers* don't mind me. i don't want to interrupt your study time; i'm just gonna put this up here and then I'll be gone again. *tiptoesaround*

Beta: the awesome _sayachimaera_ again, thank you very much

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****

Chapter 7

"What." The door opened, pulling Frank out of his dirty thoughts. He looked at Bob standing in the doorway. When Frank didn't say anything, _'cause his balls had left him somewhere between leaving his own room to get over here the whole five steps and tell Gerard to..._, Bob turned around, leaving the door open for Frank to enter, which he did. Carefully.

"Is Gerard here?"

"Nope."

"Oh." Frank stood in the doorway, hands in his pockets and looking around the room. He really was tired and his eyes were burning from last night, maybe he should just go back to-

"He's just out getting more coffee, 'cause Mikey stole our last. Close the door." Bob sat back down on his bed, reading some magazine, only glancing up to see Frank still standing in the doorway. "Get your ass inside."

"Shitty service, don't they bring it up to the rooms?"

"According to Gerard the coffee was crap and he saw a Starbucks somewhere down the road. He and Worm are out there, somewhere."

Frank walked around the room slowly, eyes wandering to the TV, next to it on the floor still lay the cover from _Hercules_.

"Good, I so need some caffeine. Mikey told me, you had sweet dreams about Hercules," Frank said casually, when turning on the TV and pressing play. As the DVD started to play, he walked backwards to the beds, wanting to sit down and not taking his tired eyes of the screen.

"No. I had sweet dreams about you being pushed into the river Styx by Hades' little helpers."

"Where did he get the movie from anyway?" Frank turned around, when the back of his legs hit the edge of – apparently Gerard's bed, as Bob was sitting on the other, nose still in the magazine. He crawled onto it to lay down, an arm behind his head as he glanced down at the screen on the opposite wall. He could smell Gerard's scent around him.

"Said he found it in the drawers. Was probably in his suitcase."

"What are the others up to?" Frank asked, yawning and kicking off his shoes, which landed on the floor with a loud thud.

"Last time I checked, there was some snoring coming out their rooms. Where's Mikey?"

"Writing a fanfic or something."

Bob looked up, grinning amused at Frank, whose eyes were fixed on the movie, looking awfully tired.

"A fanfic?"

"Yeah, he likes imagining having sex with me."

"Who's on top?"

"We'll take turns."

"And what do you prefer?"

_The other Way_, Frank thought, glad he caught himself from saying it out loud and smirked, "Why are you so interested in my sex life, Bryar?"

"You have one?" Bob smirked back and received the finger.

"What are you here for?" he then asked, sounding annoyed, turning his head to his magazine once more.

_Gerard_. "Coffee," Frank mumbled, shifting to get more comfortable.

"He'll be right back. Hey, you know anything about Gerard acting pissed?"

…

"Frank?" Bob looked to the other bed just to find Frank asleep on it, chest slowly rising up and down while the screen was showing Disney clips.

A few minutes later, he heard footsteps on the corridor knowing it was Gerard returning with the coffee. There were a few weird sounding thuds against the door - probably made by the tip of his shoe - and Bob sighed and got up. "Frank?" No reaction. Bob went for the door, letting Gerard in, who was balancing coffee and something in a paper bag – probably something eatable for Mikey –into the room. Bob almost ran into him when he turned around from closing the door again, as Gerard was standing there frozen, eyes on Frank in his bed, sleeping.

"What-"

"He came over for coffee," Bob explained, lowering his voice as not to wake Frank. He shoved Gerard, urging him to start walking again to place the containers full of warm liquid down where they wouldn't spill. Gerard finally settled the tray on a table next to the TV. Bob grabbed a cup and walked to Gerard's bed, taking the remote and skipping back to the beginning of the movie.

"Wanna watch?" he asked Gerard casually, while rummaging through the bag for something eatable. He found a bagel and, satisfied, sat on his own bed. Bob had just leaned his back against the wall when he noticed the wall in front of him. "Come on, get out of the fucking way already."

"Oh…" Gerard turned around, a coffee in his hand and walked to his bed. He stopped and glanced at Bob, who raised his eyebrows at him. "What is it?"

Gerard rolled his eyes and sat on the floor cross legged instead, leaning against the edge of his bed watching the start of Hercules.

Soon they had Mikey joining them, who lay on his stomach on Bob's bed and laughed every ten seconds at something while munching away on a bagel. Frank slept through the whole movie.

After the credits started rolling, Bob got up to stretch and declared he was bored. Just as he left to find Ray for something to do, Brian knocked on their door, obviously looking for the rest of the group with similar intentions. Soon they all decided to let Frank sleep and headed for the bus, where their precious Xbox was waiting for them to come back.

Frank was still out black when they all returned, hours later. Not even as Bob flickered on the light, did Frank as much as stir in his sleep. Bob had returned with some comics and was now crawling under his own sheets, making himself comfortable, while Gerard was changing into his pjs, glancing at Frank, brushing his teeth, glancing at Frank, and clearing away their empty coffee cups. He glanced at Frank one more time and finally decided to check if he was still alive over there or if he had died on _his_ bed.

He leaned down over Frank and narrowed his eyes. "You think he's still alive?" he asked Bob, who looked over at Frank and shrugged before turning his attention back to the comic.

"He's turned around."

_Yep, he's still breathing_. Gerard poked him carefully, not sure if he really wanted to wake Frank up or not. He supposed he really didn't.

But what Gerard really, _really_ wanted was to just get in next to Frank and… But he had just made him so fucking mad.... And he just couldn't stand the feeling of Frank shutting him out, the thought of Frank apparently moving away from him... His eyes wandered up and down Frank's body… "He's taking up all the fucking bed!"

Bob raised an eyebrow at Gerard's sudden exclamation, watching him standing at the edge of his bed, looking down at Frank.

"What's your point?"

Gerard opened his mouth and waved at Frank and his bed just to state the obvious. "What's my- Where am _I_ supposed to sleep now?" _Way to go, Gerard, just add a bit more drama and no one will ever wonder._

Bob furrowed his eyebrows, but still managed to look a tad amused at the singer. "What's going on?"

Gerard turned his head and glared at Bob for being so oblivious. "What do you mean, what's going on? He just fell asleep on my bed for hours and now-"

"Well, don't worry about that. With all the shouting there, you'll manage to wake him up in a few seconds anyway." Bob returned to his comic and bit back a smile when he had successfully managed to shut Gerard up.

Gerard bit his lip, frowning. Maybe he had been too clingy the last couple of days. Maybe Frank had sensed something and maybe Gerard had frightened him away. Maybe Frank was feeling awkward and trying to get some distance from him now. This he couldn't have, though. He felt fear and guilt rise inside of him.

Somehow he ignored them both. He couldn't deal with this now. Frank was not supposed to be like this. In Gerard's mind he had never thought that when he needed Frank that he would either push him away or be too busy dealing with something else. This was all wrong. Just as quickly as the panic came, so did the anger. Now, here he was letting it out on the one person he needed. He was attacking Frank instead of trying to fix the real problem behind all this.

"I'm gonna crash with Mikey," Gerard mumbled, as he took his cigarettes and walked to the door, with a last warning for Bob, "Keep _him_ there."

Bob shook his head with a smile and turned a page, nibbling at his lip ring. "Stupid motherfucker."

Gerard was back again the next second and Bob looked up at him with a smirk. "Forgot something?"

"I need a smoke."

"And?"

"Well, he has my lighter!"

Bob looked over at Frank and back at Gerard, really trying hard to hide his smirk. "Go search his pockets then."

Gerard glared at Bob shortly, then ran a hand through his hair, looking Frank up and down again. "Different jeans."

"Huh?"

Gerard had already turned around again, heading for the door. "It's probably in his room," he mumbled and closed the door behind him, feeling _not stupid at all_ and leaving Bob shaking his head.

Ten minutes later, when Mikey had stopped laughing over something next door, making Bob chuckle to himself, Frank suddenly woke up.

He blinked a few times, confused as to why Bob lay in the bed next to his when he was convinced that he had been sharing a room with Mikey this time. He decided not to mull over such irrational things and stumbled out of bed, walking to the bathroom to release the pressure on his bladder.

As he washed his hands, his memory kicked in and he walked out of the bathroom and scratched his head, looking at Bob and yawned, "What time is it?"

"Don't know… late afternoon, I suppose."

"Where's Gerard?"

"In your bed."

Frank raised an eyebrow. Now that thought was definitely the base of one of his favourites. Then he remembered his revelation from the bathroom just a second ago and rubbed his eyes. "Damn, why didn't you wake me?"

"Couldn't. You looked too cute, we decided-"

"-Yeah, piss off," Frank cut him off and frowned. Now he had to wake up Gerard. Damn. Let alone talk to him. He walked to the door only to be stopped by Bob's voice.

"Get back to bed, Iero."

"I gotta-"

"-I have strict orders. Not to let you out of this room." Bob's nose was still in the comic and he didn't see Frank frown at him.

"Who said that?"

"Gerard."

"And why-… ugh, forget it." Frank walked back to – now – his bed and slumped down on it again, this time pulling the sheets over himself, although he knew he wouldn't be going back to sleep anytime soon.

"What are you two fighting about anyway?"

"Nothing."

"And nothing would be…?"

"Nothing."

Bob smirked and looked over at Frank, who was sullen, his eyes staring up at the ceiling. "What, is he jealous, 'cause Mikey's fucking you?"

"Probably."

Bob chuckled and tossed the comic on the floor, flickering off the lights and turning on his side. "You'd think as brothers they'd learned to share."

"Shut up, Bob."

"'Night to you, too." Frank could still hear the smirk and shook his head into the darkness.

It didn't last long and he could hear Bob sleeping. As he lay there in silence, Frank felt the pressure on his chest having returned. Or at least he felt it again, concentrated on it again. He fixed the ceiling, swallowed back something in his throat and clenched his fists.


	8. Chapter 8

**Beta:** i ve landed (thank you very much)

* * *

**Chapter 08**

If Brian could have, Brian would have grounded them both and given them detention with Bob. Bob, however, was not very motivated for this and Brian thought everybody had their moments of complete and utter loss of control.

That was what he decided on after his unsuccessful attempt to talk some sense into the quarrelers. Brian had taken over some parental quality and switched from talking to them separately, together, then separately again when together failed, and finally also gave up on that, seeing as he had much more fun talking to water coolers. At least they bubbled every now and then, giving him some signs of life. (He was actually considering stealing one and hiding it in the tour bus to remind Gerard and Frank what a hard time they were giving him.) At one point, when he was very desperate, Brian had taken Mikey with him to talk with them, but the younger Way had been glaring dramatically at his brother and talking like Master Yoda the whole evening.

Brian stopped taking him after that.

That was why he decided to give his boys a few more days to cool off, to forget, to hug and start groping each other in front of thousands of fans again. Two days had passed so far and Frank had started laughing every time he saw Brian, which didn't bother Brian as much as it had originally. Now, it was his job to deal with complaints and save his boys' asses. The complaint two nights ago from the guests in the hotel rooms next to theirs, however, had also been directed at _him_, and the only reason for this was his vocalist and rhythm guitarist who both managed to drive him insane.

Brian chose to forget about this, though. Forget and wait a few more days.

Frank, on the contrary, buried his face in the pillow in his bunk, pressed his eyes close and stifled back another laugh at the thought. He chose _not_ to forget the scene they had caused.

After having involuntarily switched rooms with Gerard that night, Frank had lain in Gerard's bed and drowned in a little bit of self pity before moving on to anger for a change. Wisely deciding repression was not a good thing and that Gerard was behaving like a moron, Frank had finally gotten out of bed just to storm out of the room and into the next. Mikey and his brother were sleeping peacefully until Frank had punched Gerard in the arm hard enough to wake him up. Gerard stayed there, blinking bemused at Frank hovering over him, looking perfectly pissed off.

"You're one stupid asshole, you know that?!"

Gerard had managed to open his mouth and close it again, staring confused at the spot where Frank had stood just a second ago. When he had heard the door slam, he had sat up and looked over to his brother, who was laughing in the other bed.

"What the fuck? I mean… the hell?"

And then Gerard's brain woke up too, and he had jumped out of bed and ripped open the door, marching quickly over to the next room. After having knocked with a deep frown on his face, Frank had yanked the door open and received a hard push, which sent him stumbling backwards a few feet.

"Who's the fucking asshole?! FUCK YOU!"

Just as Gerard had been about to walk back again, Frank had slammed him up against the nearest wall out on the corridor. Mikey's head had peeked out of the room over the commotion, amusement written all over his face, while Bob had been grunting annoyed in his sleep in the other room.

"The fuck do you think you're fucking doing?" Frank hissed. Gerard grabbed the front of Frank's shirt, trying to push and pull him back and away from him.

"Get your hands off me!"

Just when fists were seconds from flying and wrestle tactics put into practice, they heard Brian from his room.

"IERO AND WAY! SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO TO SLEEP! WE'RE NOT THE ONLY ONES IN THIS _FUCKING_ HOTEL!"

A moment of silence followed before they heard him mumble some curses and Mikey started on a laughing fit. Frank and Gerard dueled another moment with furious death-glares, their fists holding each other tightly in place before they let go and returned to their respective rooms, not forgetting to slam the doors properly.

Mikey had kept on laughing and Gerard lay frowning in his bed, mulling over things. He knew he stood no chance, should Frank have wanted him down. Finally, he fell asleep again after an hour, dreaming about feeding Frank to the evil grinning pumpkin head on his back.

It didn't take long before Frank joined Mikey in finding the minor incident amusing, but Gerard was not up for laughing. Yet.

So the daily routine continued with avoidance. At all costs. Yet again.

Well, almost. Frank could not ignore the chance that presented itself when they were on stage the next night. The open water bottle just laid there, almost asking him to kick it at Gerard, while he was singing. He had not lost his line, but calmly glanced over at Frank, who was busy playing guitar again. Ten minutes later, Frank had been standing by Bob, rocking away without noticing Gerard turning up behind him who, innocently and with one smooth hand movement in the rhythm of the music, pushed Frank into the drum set.

The rest of the show, Frank had used Mikey's shoulder to wipe off some sweat and a little bit of blood from the drum-incident, until the bass player had found out he only had to go near his brother and Frank would disappear to the side of the stage, far away from them both.

Brian thought the shows went incredibly well. Almost as well as the interviews. The interviews involving Gerard in his own little world, frowning at the floor through black sunglasses and letting Ray do most of the talking. Frank didn't even show up.

But he watched all right, and thought about the abnormal behaviour Gerard showed. Two days later, after another interview with Gerard stroking his temples in annoyance and staring at nothing in particular, Frank decided to push his irrelevant problems to the back of his mind and finally show some courage. As soon as the last question was answered, Gerard jumped up and walked over to the buffet. Frank joined him when the others, who had stormed the line of free donuts and coffee, were gone or far enough away.

"Hey," he began, watching Gerard fiddle with the coffee machine and glance up shortly before returning his halfhearted attention back to filling his own cup. "So, uhm," Frank let his eyes drift over the food, before deciding for the straight forward version. "You okay? You seem somewhat –"

"-'m fine," Gerard answered sharply and hit the uncooperative coffee machine with his flat hand, finally getting it to spit out some of the hot liquid. He paused, when the room turned silent for a long second, and sighed, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Yeah, well, that's a stupid lie. I know you can do better, so I'll just ask again –"

"Save it." With that Gerard was walking away, sipping the too-hot coffee and not seeming to mind.

Not minding indeed, not minding the burning on his tongue and down his throat, but minding the way the conversation had gone. Regretting it instantly, because he had almost had Frank where he wanted him a second ago and he just walked away. Smooth. Drama much, yes. But Gerard was, meanwhile, accepting the hint after having ignored it successively for so long that Frank didn't want to talk to him about... whatever it was, and that, maybe, possibly, it was his own fault. So he left him alone most of the time, because he was getting sick of the secretiveness. And he didn't, for fuck's sake, understand why Frank was _still_ letting his anger out on him after having called him an asshole the other night. He had thought of it as a fucking silent deal of getting back to normal, damn it.

Gerard even regretted, from time to time, having shouted at Frank after the night of the party. Maybe he should have just told Frank that he was worried. And angry. Worried over Frank crying in the middle of the night and angry that he was pushing him away and not trusting him. He should talk with him, but he knew that whatever it was, Frank was not going to tell him soon. He would have done it already. Damn it. He felt itchy.

-

They were on the road again, loud music blasting from the stereo and Frank lying on the floor in the back of the bus where the kitchen was, a joint dangling between his lips. He had his eyes closed, his fingers were drumming on his belly and his foot moved to the rhythm of the music, which was starting to deafen him slightly.

_Are you trying to blast out your brains?_ Wait… he didn't just think that.

Somebody actually _said_ that. Frank opened his eyes only to find Gerard leaning over him, looking down at him with raised eyebrows. Did he look annoyed? Frank closed his eyes again, inhaling some smoke before shifting his arm up to behind his head, while humming along to the music, acting as if he hadn't noticed Gerard. Yeah, he was behaving like an ass. And he was starting to get really good at it.

He had tried everything to lock out the thought of Gerard... From playing Xbox or guitar every free minute, talking with everyone (except Gerard) long into the nights about every single stupid thought (besides the ones about Gerard), playing some more guitar and getting hit by Bob every so often for annoying the shit out of him. And now it was the music filling his head, helping him avoid moments of silence; the music and the grumbling of his stomach. He hadn't eaten much the few last days seeing as the butterflies, apparently, weren't as hungry as he.

The music stopped. Frank took a deep breath and thought it was hot in here. Maybe he should get some fresh air and have a smoke, a real one, at the next stop. It wasn't hot just a minute ago. Maybe it was the tip of a foot that poked against his leg now, _someone_ trying to get his attention. It seemed they had a terrible timing, both of them. When one wanted to be left alone, the other wanted to talk _(…or kiss! lick! have sex!)_. Frank wondered when they would meet in the middle of this.

He opened his eyes again. Gerard stopped the poking and looked back at Frank. No, he didn't look annoyed. At least not anymore. He looked tired. As tired as Frank, himself, felt. Tired, due to the sleep, he tried to avoid and the dreams that irritated him. All the effort of getting him out of his head just backfired as his subconscious caught up with his dreams to annoy him, reminding him of what a pansy he was.

And now Gerard was reminding him of it himself, as long as he would let him stand over him, trying to get some reaction of him. Didn't he get enough sleep, or was Frank's behaviour just exhausting him? It surely exhausted Frank. His fault. His stomach jolted and he was just about to jump up and let himself go.

Frank lifted his head a little, when he heard other footsteps approach and a figure stopping in the doorway.

"What are you doing down there?" Bob asked, looking from Frank to Gerard.

"Spilled soda on the couch. It's still drying." Frank rubbed his eyes with his fingers and then got up, having Gerard backing up a bit to give him some space.

Bob wriggled past them to the fridge. "Man, I'm starving!" he complained, while rubbing his stomach, his eyes searching the almost not-existent-contents of the fridge. Frank joined the drummer and looked over his shoulder into the depressingly empty fridge, anywhere he did not have to meet Gerard's gaze.

"We'll get something at the next stop." Frank heard Gerard behind them and Bob closed the fridge again, walking with some murmuring to the front of the bus, leaving them alone.

Frank looked at the couch, at the water stain he had made, when he had almost chocked on a sip of water, losing the whole bottle in progress, just because Gerard had walked in before his music session, sending him a smile before searching for his sketchpad. It had almost dried now.

Frank startled a little when he heard Gerard's voice behind him. He hadn't really forgotten he was there. His mind was apparently just getting better with shutting him out. The perfect asshole.

"Are we there soon?"

What? How would he know? Frank turned around and found Mikey leaning in the doorway, _Mikey_ Gerard had just spoken too. Mikey! Good. A chance to get out of here, without making it too awkward.

"In about 15," Mikey answered when Frank approached the door and him. Just as he was about to move past him, Gerard spoke up again.

"Frank, um… I'd like to show you something, can you… uhm…"

Shit! Damn. _No, I don't wanna fucking talk._ Frank froze on the spot, trying to figure out some kind of escape. Then it hit him. He took hold of Mikey's arm and dragged him along.

"Later. Promised Mikey a revenge on… uhm," Frank muttered, barely looking at Gerard and gripping Mikey harder, as the boy was struggling a bit to get away from Frank.

"Oh. Right," Mikey finally mumbled, catching up and followed Frank to the TV.

Frank sat down quickly, grabbing a controller and putting in the next game that he could reach. He turned around to get comfortable and caught Mikey looking at him.

"What?"

"Dude…" Mikey shook his head.

"Just play the fucking game," Frank whispered, when he saw Gerard approach them again, but there was no need to pretend as Gerard walked straight past them and out of sight.

Frank had followed him with his eyes, looking at the spot in the door where he had vanished, when he felt someone staring at him again. He turned his head further and met Mikey's eyes and raised eyebrows.

"Are you ever going to talk to him?" Frank looked back at the screen where the music from Tetris Evolution was playing, then let his eyes drop to his hands and the controller in them. Upside down. Good question. Yes, of course he would.

"Sure I am. Just not… not now."

"It's Gerard."

"I know," Frank sighed.

"He might think you don't like him anymore or other world-ending-scenarios."

Frank turned his head at this. Why the hell would he think something like that? "Why do you say that? Has he said anything to you? _What_ did he say?" Frank felt even more stupid, if that was possible and cursed himself for talking about Gerard behind his back instead of just getting sober and back to normal.

"Nothing… He said nothing. We didn't talk about you. But I know him, he's my brother. He's just trying to figure out why you're avoiding him like that. It's Gerard…"

"Stop saying that all the time."

"Why? You're having a bad conscience?"

"Fuck you."

"No, ha! See you already get it mixed up – it's the other Way you wanna fu-OUCHWHATTHEHELL!!"

Frank glared at Mikey, after having shut him up with a good aimed kick. Mikey only returned the gaze for a moment then let out a sigh and got up. "We'll be there soon," was the last thing he said to Frank before he left the room. He walked into the kitchen, shaking his head _Don't even ask_ at his brother, who raised his eyebrows at him, having heard his outburst from before.

A few minutes later, they were seated in the cafeteria of the gas station sharing a few pizzas. Frank was more interested in playing with his food while steadying his tired head in his other hand, elbow leaning heavily on the table. Gerard was sitting next to him in the booth, looking depressed, and Frank didn't even start to think it over before he forgot about the pizza and shifted his hand. It was barely touching Gerard's arm with the back where it lay on the table. '_Sorry_.' When there came no protest in any form, Frank wrapped his fingers lightly over Gerard's wrist and looked at him from the corner of his eyes, when Brian came back from outside where he had been talking with their driver.

"We've decided to take a break tonight. Sully needs sleep and we're making good time." Brian got a chair from an empty table near by and joined them, pouring some milk into his coffee.

"Hmm," Gerard acknowledged, staring out of the dirty window.

Brian watched the singer for a moment before turning his attention to the rest of the group. "There's a motel 5 minutes from here."


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: i know slugs and several tortoises who are faster than these updates. join them.  
° my prompt words for this chapter, chosen by the chosen one, were 'light bulb' and 'coconut'  
° and thank you for your explicit comments, whoopulation!

beta: the great _i ve landed_

gnar kill: the document manager won't let me put signs in between scenes, so you can see an indication to when one scene ends and the other begins. this is rather annoying, i've written to FF about it, so i hope this will be solved (or was it always like that? still annoying). i've used he long lines for now.

* * *

**Chapter 09**

A strong, heavy longing set in, deep in his chest. If he lost control over it, he knew it would drag him down; it would suffocate him until he went and did something about it... Something stupid, which would make him feel even worse afterwards. Long afterwards. But the part when he would actually do it would be okay-probably a relief-and it would definitely lift his mood.

Gerard breathed through his open mouth as he was leaning on his arms over the counter of the tiny bathroom from the diner, staring at his reflection.

It was so long ago, and he thought- He just hadn't known that it would be so tough and persistent, so hard to fight.

He thought back to Frank's fingers around his wrist just a moment ago and breathed calmly through his nose, trying to make the uneasy sensation ebb away before he would join the others outside again.

Everyone had a bad day... Or two… Or fucking _weeks_. Frank's behaviour was giving him headaches.

He glanced down at the tiny space on the bathroom floor and wished he had the time to just sit down and be miserable for a few minutes.

* * *

"Yes, but as you can see, we're _seven_!" They heard an exhausted Brian trying to control his anger from inside the office as the rest of them lingered outside on the porch, chatting, smoking and listening to his conversation with the owner of this forlorn place. Good thing only they, Sully, and Brian were on the bus this time. Apparently, every fucking human being within two towns had decided to sleep at exactly _this_ abandoned place tonight.

Frank shifted his legs and sighed, taking another drag from his cigarette. There was nothing around but a lot of trees, and a shop down a long dusty road somewhere.

Frank frowned, dropping his finished cigarette to the floor. His eyes wandered to Gerard, who switched between smoking his cigarette and chewing on his nails while sitting crosslegged on the floor. Sunglasses on, Gerard was looking up at Mikey and having a laugh with his little brother.

Brian eventually came back out, looking content, and holding three keys in his hand.

When they reached their rooms, Brian unlocked one and walked inside, followed by the rest of them.

"Looks alright. So, … split." The manager tossed the two remaining keys on the bed and nodded to the driver to leave his bags here, so he didn't have to fight with the rest of them about the other rooms. Mikey quickly snapped one of the keys, and hurried outside.

"Hey!" Ray shouted after him, but got the other key from the bed, following the bass player. As did the rest of them.

"There's TV!" They heard Mikey yell from one of the open rooms while Bob joined Ray in the other room, dropping his bag on the floor. Frank glanced inside and his eyes fell on the double bed in the middle of the room.

"No more in here," Bob announced and slammed the door in Frank's face, but not before sending him a smirk. Obviously, he was having the same thought as Frank did when he had seen the double bed. Funny fucker.

"We'll come over and watch some shit in a few!" Ray yelled from inside, as Frank walked towards–-what was probably going to be a-long, long, long night (A.K.A.: his doom.). He also tried to remember if he now was square with Bob again, or whether he should come up with some revenge ideas.

Ten minutes later, Bob was in the bathroom next door, trying to wash the text marker of his underwear, while trying to explain to Frank that if three should share a bed, it should logically be the smallest. Gerard and Brian were having another smoke on the porch and enjoying the last rays of sun. The rest of the band was hiding inside the Way brothers' and Frank's room, when a deep sigh came from the bathroom. Ray looked up from his mobile and raised his eyebrows at Mikey as a silent order to ask what was going on.

"Frank? You alright in there? Remember, we all have to share the bathroom, right?"

"Fuck you! He's in here with me, what the fuck do you think he's doing?" Bob shouted and the sides of Mikey's mouth twitched.

"A shower…" came the blissful sounding answer. "And it's clean." Another sigh.

Mikey shrugged at Ray, "He's alright." and continued to leaf through his magazine.

* * *

"What's that?"

"A dead mushroom."

"There's absolutely nothing in here!"

"No."

"We need to buy something."

"There's a shop down the road."

"_I'm_ not going."

"Why not?"

"I'm too hungry. You're not supposed to go shopping when you're hungry."

"Then, let's ask the others."

Frank shook his head, smiling to himself. He had been listening to the whole expedition of Ray, Bob, and Mikey from the tiny kitchen area. They had been in the motel for hours, and only now-after the sky had turned dark-did they discover that there was nothing edible on the premises which they hadn't already brought with them.

When the three men joined the rest again, Frank kept his attention on the TV, acting as if he hadn't heard their conversation a few seconds ago. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Gerard typing away on his mobile, looking perfectly oblivious to his surroundings too. He also continued to shift around in his chair, clear his throat, and bite his nails with an overall appearance of restlessness.

"Hey, guys?" Mikey said, plopping down next to Frank on the double bed. "There's nothing to eat in here."

Ray and Bob sat back down on the floor, next to the chair Gerard was seated in, and continued with the game of cards they had started before Mikey had called them to the food quest.

"You think the shop is still open?" he continued when he got no reply from the guys who hadn't witnessed the lack of food.

"It says twenty-four-seven, so yeah… Probably," Gerard said, still concentrating on his phone.

"You think they have something to eat?" Mikey asked, trying to get Gerard to offer to go shopping for them.

"Don't know. Doesn't seem that big. There's probably just donuts or shit like that." Gerard shrugged, to which Mikey stared at him speechless, seemingly not believing his brother's inaptness to hear his silent question.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"Jesus! I'll fucking go! I can't watch this shit with you going on like this!" Mikey jumped slightly at Frank's outburst. Bob grinned to himself, while Ray and Gerard exchanged amused glances.

Frank jumped up from the bed, zipped up his hoodie and was about to walk out the door, when Gerard got up as well, finally disregarding his mobile and following him.

"I'm coming with you," he said, as he picked up a scarf and looked around for some money.

Frank watched him for a moment before noticing his mouth was hanging open. He remembered how to close it and swallowed. "Uh. I have some. That's alright," he said, trying to make him stay, even though he thought this was maybe the end of their bad timings.

Gerard didn't seem to listen though. "Smokes," he mumbled and patted his pocket, turning around in a circle, looking a little confused to Frank, before walking pass him out of the door.

Frank shrugged, and before he could close the door behind them, the others squeezed their orders through.

"Bring some burgers!"

"Yeah, or pizza!"

"No, we just had that."

"Don't forget the beer!"

Gerard grinned as they started walking down the long, dark road, surrounded by trees on each side, which was only lit by a single streetlamp in the middle of the long way. The light bulb was blinking irregularly, probably not lasting much longer.

Frank glanced at Gerard from the corner of his eyes. His eyes slid to the side and he pulled a face when he suddenly had an image of them in the bushes, making out. This would be a weary walk. It was quiet; neither of them said a word, and it was probably a good ten-minute walk with the pace they had set.

Frank thought he should break the silence, ignoring the bad feeling in his gut and glanced at Gerard again. "So…"

Gerard turned his head the other way and Frank bit his lip. _Good start, good start. _He couldn't blame him for still being mad at him, after the shit he'd pulled, behaving so stupidly and beings so stubbornly childish. Then, he thought back to _Gerard's_ peculiar behaviour and gave it another try.

"You okay, man?"

"Yeah." Frank considered ignoring the sarcasm as he watched Gerard pull out a cigarette. His hands shook almost imperceptible as he lit it.

After a few seconds of more silent treatment, Frank decided to speak again. "Then, why are you still a jerk?"

Gerard took another drag before answering, looking straight down on the ground, as he did so. "'Cause every time I want to talk to you, you make up some stupid excuse and walk off. So, I thought I shouldn't even give you the chance, and just shut up right away."

Frank mouthed an 'Oh' to himself. It seemed Gerard was pissed, alright. This confirmed, Frank decided Gerard should have a bit more time to cool down. Maybe until they had reached the stupid shop...

* * *

Gerard was walking through the old, tiny shop for the fifth time. There was almost nothing left; the ice in the display freezer looked as if it was from the 80s, and Mikey would probably love it, but Frank didn't dare look at the expiration date … they had a tour to play on.

"There must be _something_, or they fucking go on all night about food they don't have," Gerard said tartly, turning back and forth again. Frank let his eyes slide over the shelves again, which were still as good as empty. He blamed the late hour, the weekend and all the bloody people who had taken up all the rooms up in the motel. The owner of the shop, an elderly man, was sitting behind the counter, calmly reading his paper, not even appreciating his costumers. Frank wasn't sure if he should just leave Gerard to his anger which, judging by his fuming, he probably soon would be letting out on the empty shelves (_Better them than me_, Frank thought.), or wait for him to become sensible again. Although, the reminder about the large pizzas they had had hours ago, hadn't helped the situation.

Frank leaned back on a wall, eyeing Gerard, knowing he had something else on his mind than finding invisible food.

"There's nothing."

"You haven't even had a look, have you?" Gerard snapped, waving frantically with his arm around the place.

"Fuck! Fine!" Frank pushed himself off the wall and went to the nearest shelf. "Then, take this." Frank grabbed the next best thing in his reach, which turned out to be a coconut, and threw it to Gerard. He caught it, and looked stunned at the round thing in his hands.

"A fucking coconut?" he asked, when Frank turned his back on him and walked over to the man behind the counter.

"We'll have the fucking coconut," he said to him and placed some money on the counter. As soon as he had paid he was out the shop. Gerard followed suit, and the man behind the counter shook his head and turned back to his local paper, turning over a page with a music article (about two bands he'd never heard about, called Taking Back Sunday and My Chemical Romance, which apparently had stops nearby on their current tour through the States), so he could get to the interesting part – the weather.

Once outside again, Frank glanced at the dark night sky, clouds obscuring the view from the stars one should have been able to see very clearly in places like this. The lantern on the deserted road up to their motel was still blinking, and Frank did not wait for Gerard, as he stormed off, hiding his fists in his pockets. Gerard soon caught up with him and when he passed, he forced the coconut to Frank, who automatically took hold of it, as not to lose it on the ground.

"What the fuck shall I do with that?" Frank stopped, looking after Gerard, who kept on walking.

"Carry it," Gerard called back, not turning around, and Frank took up the pace again.

"We don't even need it!"

"Well, it was your idea, right?" Gerard stopped abruptly, resulting in Frank almost walking into him.

"I wouldn't have bought anything, if you hadn't freaked out!" Frank glared at him and thought Gerard would most likely be mildly surprised by Frank sticking his tongue in his mouth right now. _Or maybe he wouldn't_.

Gerard looked at him for a moment before turning around again, shaking his head. "I'm so sick of this," he mumbled.

"Oh, _you're_ sick of this?" Frank didn't follow him, but threw the coconut after Gerard, which brushed just past his shoulder and made Gerard jump to the side. The coconut hit a tree and rolled back to Frank, coming to a halt somewhere in the grass by the side of the road. They stood just feet apart now, near the blinking streetlight, shouting at each other. A dog had started barking somewhere far away.

"Were you trying to fucking hit me?"

"You think I was aiming for the tree?"

Gerard's eyes narrowed dangerously as he took a quick step forward, fist at the ready, but Frank pointed a finger at him. "I've fucking had enough of this!" he shouted, and Gerard paused.

"OF WHAT?"

Frank looked at Gerard, letting out a deep breath and then turned to walk to the next tree, kicking it.

_Better it than me_, Gerard thought and stood still while watching Frank turning around and leaning against the tree, looking tiredly down at his shoes.

"Frank?"

Frank wriggled his toes to check if they were broken. Both keeping and letting out the tension seemed to be terribly exhausting. He let his hand run down his face.

"Of us fighting. It's... Shit. This is so annoying," he said, and then punched another tree nearby, when every attempt to keep calm and keep the anger inside didn't work. He cursed at the pain and cradled his red knuckles. His eyes slid over the ground around Gerard's feet.

"Yeah." Gerard nodded, watching Frank attentively. "But –"

"Okay, you know what?" Frank pushed himself off the tree and started to walk towards Gerard. "I –"

His words were abruptly stopped by a sudden blue shot of light and a popping sound as the light went out over them. As the clouds hid the moon, they could not even see a hand in front of their faces on the now very dark road.

"What happened?"

"The light went out."

"Way to state the obvious."

Frank could hear Gerard taking a few careful steps towards him.

"I – Whoa!" He heard a thud and branches breaking, and finally Gerard groaning. "Shit…"

"What happened?" Frank blinked, struggling to see anything and trying to get his eyes used to the darkness sooner than later, so he could find the other. "Where are you?"

"I think I fell over your stupid coconut," came the response from somewhere on the ground.

When he heard that, Frank couldn't hold back the laughter, while fumbling with his hands around in the dark, searching for Gerard on the ground.

"That's not fucking funny!" But he could hear Gerard was smiling and finally their arms met and Frank pulled Gerard back up.

"We should really consider doing some make-up sex instead of this," Gerard mumbled, and Frank cracked up completely, blinking away tears in his eyes.

"Be my guest," he snorted.

"Guys? You out there somewhere?" They heard Ray's voice and saw the dim light of a cell phone acting as a flashlight.

"We're here!" Gerard called back, not letting go of Frank's arm before the light approached them and they finally found their way back to their room.

* * *

"What the fuck," Ray laughed, turning the coconut around in his hands.

"A coconut?" Mikey asked dumbfounded, and looked at Frank and Gerard for an explanation.

"Um," Frank started, scratching his head, looking at the coconut for a probable excuse.

"That was all they had," Gerard said simply, while plopping down on the bed and hissing at the pain from the contact between his sore back and the hard mattress.

"You call that food?" Bob said, pointing at the round thing in Ray's hands.

"You have something against coconuts?" Frank asked with a grin, as he watched Bob frown at the fruit.

"Not before now. But I'm developing a certain wrath against this shit, now."


End file.
